Remember...

Years have somehow dissolved away.  Stories and moments with patients beyond words have come and gone.

This past year I have been in an intense fellowship.  I have gotten to interact with patients in a new way and so many stories remain untold.

But let me share a few with you.

Homeless. Poor life choices. Body wasting away.  Too sick to leave against medical advise he was jailed in the hospital room.  No appetite and man a few words.  Weeks he was there.  I had the honor of being his provider.  Visiting him and talking with him if only for a few minutes each day.  No one came to visit him.  Not a single visitor.

Talking to him, he grew up in poverty...and where was his family now?  What led to this life?

One day I brought him something small...something to make him smile...and it did.  A spontaneous grin and hug.  I didn't know that would be the last time I saw him...  I went off service and he left the hospital...at least for a time.

But he came back and I didn't know it.  And then he was gone.  Gone.  Alone.  His spirit disappeared though his body remained.  I didn't know.  Did anyone other than the working know of his departure? This man.  His life.  I will remember him.



Only in her early midlife, her wrinkled and weathered face displayed hardship and abuse while her enlarged abdomen and intoxicated appearance told of her coping mechanisms.  But her eyes, bright blue and beautiful.  That is how i will remember her.  Frequent flyer, eyes rolled when she came in...but then it stopped.  Gone.  I tried to find her on the streets near her "McDonald" home.  She lost. Did she survive the winter?  Does she know that I cared?  I had the honor of being for her provider a few times.  She is a person.  She is cared about.  Hope that she's still on this earth.  Hope that she is taking better care of herself.  Hope that she knows she is valuable.


This prestigious university hospital was his last hope and I was his provider.  Me.  Diligent and caring wife at the bedside, they fought as a team alone in an unknown city.  But medicine can't fix everything and he slow drifted away.  Kind, soft spirit...I couldn't fix him.  Consults, thinking outside the box...nothing helped.  Too sick to fly home, he spent his last days here.  Visiting the couple one last time, my heart broke.  Despite the war inside his body, he was still so strong.  As I said goodbye, he embraced me and thanked me for my help.  My help?  If only there was more to be done.  It's one thing losing a patient as a nurse, it's another as a provider.  My insides screamed to think of a miracle, but there was none.  None.  And he never made it home.  As I waved goodbye, I told him I would not forget him.  Never.  Impact.